‘The goal of online dating is to get offline as quickly as possible’ – Amy Webb
As we emerged from the enforced hiding as a result of the pandemic, dating sites have seen a surge of interest. People are deciding that now is the time to meet someone, perhaps because they have found being on their own tough and are looking for someone to share the ups and downs of life and because going out still seems a bit scary and so online dating is the way forward. There are certainly plenty of sites to choose from. Depending on what/who you are looking for, there is definitely a dating site to suit you.
I’m not going to get into the pros and cons of the different sites here, there is plenty of information about that online if you’re interested. What I want to look at is the profile or bio that you write about yourself and how to make it positive. Most sites allow plenty of space to write about yourself, some with random questions to answer (such as what superpower would you choose and why? Or how would you spend an extra hour a day?). They all allow you to add plenty of photos as well. If you fill this section in properly it builds a picture of you so that potential partners can find out more about you before they message or match, potentially saving you both lots of time and the inevitable disappointment.
So far, so good. So why is it that some people (mainly men but not exclusively apparently) don’t bother filling their profile in properly and then complain that no-one ever answers them or sends them messages. Like everything worthwhile, online dating takes time and effort. If you are looking for a serious/long term relationship, you have to put in the work. I’m sure all you lovely people reading this wouldn’t make any of these mistakes but you might know someone who does that you could give a gentle nudge to! These tips are mainly written for guys but there are some directed to women and taken from the feedback I’ve had from the lovely guys I know who use dating sites. So please take note if you’re guilty and feel free to pass on if you think it might help someone you know!
First and foremost, your photos. Please, please, please make sure they are recent and are taken in a good light so you can actually be seen. It’s good to have a couple of close ups of your face plus a couple of full length shots. Try not to have anyone else in the photo. If there are other guys/girls it’s not always obvious which one is you. Guys, if there is another woman in the photo, we don’t know that it’s your sister or your best mate, we will assume that is your ex and, trust me, we really don’t want to see her! We also don’t want to see pictures of your children or grandchildren. It’s fine to share those privately once you’ve been chatting a while but not on your profile please. Apart from anything else, you should be asking permission before putting someone else’s photo on a site. We also do not want to see a photo of you with a big fish! Seriously guys, what is that all about? Hopefully it goes without saying that pictures of any body part you wouldn’t want your Nan to see shouldn’t be on your profile either and that applies to both sexes. Finally, girls, what is it with the bunny ears? You might think it’s cute but potential partners want to see what you actually look like without the insta filters.
Then we move onto the basic information. Please, keep it real! If you are 5′ 6″ but you say you are 6′, you will get found out the second you meet. Equally, don’t lie about your age. There is no point. A few weeks down the line and your new partner discovers you’ve lied about something so basic, it’s unlikely they will continue it. As for your job, please don’t say you’re something you’re not. I can’t tell you how many Dolphin Trainers, Lion Tamers, Pilots and Stunt Doubles there are on dating sites (and if that is genuinely your job, well I feel for you because no-one is going to believe you!)! Equally for the question ‘Job’, please don’t say ‘I have one’. If you put something like that which you think is clever and ‘funny’, I guarantee you are seriously limiting the number of people who will reply.
Finally the bio. Please don’t leave it blank or put ‘No point in writing anything because nobody reads this’. Honestly guys, women do read it and they don’t just read it, they analyse it. They look for clues to your personality. Just as bad are the people who simply put ‘ask me’. Why would someone spend time and effort asking you about yourself when you haven’t bothered to say anything? Do you know how many people are on dating sites who do make the effort?!
But what’s perhaps even worse than a blank bio are the people who write things like ‘This site is (insert negative word of your choice), no-one messages, it’s all fake, there are no real people on here’. If that’s what you genuinely think, then why are you on the site? Are you fake too? Are you hoping that someone will prove you wrong? Trust me, they won’t. You come over as ignorant and grumpy which is definitely not attractive!
The best bios are by people who write a bit about themselves and also about what they are looking for. People who are positive, friendly and engaging, perhaps with a bit of humour thrown in as well. People who are open. I’ve talked in my posts about negativity attracting more of the same and positivity bringing more positivity to you. This is just as true on dating sites as it is anywhere else. If you have a positive bio, you’re truthful about yourself and you put clear pictures up, you will find you attract similar people. If the point of a dating site is for you to meet someone in real life with the potential for a genuine bond then we all have to be honest!
Not so much a tiny tweak this week but something to think about. If you use dating sites, you could revisit your profile and think how you could make it more positive and real. No matter how good your profile is, there’s always going to be something that could improve it; maybe ask a friend how they would describe you? But if dating sites are not for you, maybe you prefer to date in real life or you are in a relationship or you’re a committed single, there is still a takeaway for you! Remember the power of positivity! What can you do in your life to be more positive? How can you attract more of the good things in your direction? Focus on the good and expect that things will work in your favour. Anticipate happiness, health and success and you might just find that you begin to attract exactly that! Why not give it a try?!
Until next time xx
If you enjoyed this post, please give it a like and let me know in the comments. Have you used dating sites? What do you find most annoying? Have you found lasting love online? Let me know!